Who Aims For The Thigh?

This was the beginning of my ACC adventure evening in Charlotte, NC. Well actually let me rewind things just a bit. It all began Friday evening while sitting at the bar at Zink in South Charlotte.

Turns out there were four other Hokie fans at the bar as well, and that is nice to see. The wife of one of the couples (Heather and I were trying to figure out if one of the couples were the parental unit of the other couple. Never did get that far in the conversation and here is why) was explaining to me that they had driven up to South Carolina for the ACC Championship Game and that she had attended Virginia Tech.

We were the same age and thus were there at the same time. Never did it cross either of our minds to try to figure out if we knew each other in school or ran with the same crowd. Our lack of communication is probably attributable to her drunk husband who open-handedly began rubbing my back while sitting on the bar stool next to me and slurring a diatribe about how VT has nothing on Ohio State and that acting is a worthless career choice.

It was extremely awkward to say the least but was made even more so when his wife, who was watching this exchange, thought nothing odd of her husbands drunken massage.

It lasted all of about five seconds before I got up and walked out of arms reach. As a disclosure it only lasted that long because it took me a full 3 seconds to realize that…YEP, this dude is actually rubbing my back.

It then took another 2 seconds for my brain to process how to gracefully ease my way out of this situation without upsetting the other patrons in the bar. So while simultaneously standing up and moving slightly to my right I decided on the subtle approach, “Dude are you freakin’ rubbing my back? WTF?”

Yeah, so that happened.

This brings us to Saturday, game day. I had been struggling all week with whether or not to actually attend the game. You see every time I have gone to a Seminole/Hokie game the Hokies have lost. So do I chance it yet one more time? The lord himself handed down the decision to me when he opened the heavens and released a torrent of sleet.

Torrent is defined as a fast and powerful rush of liquid. And while I am prone to exaggeration, I assure you that the sleet I witnessed falling from the sky prior to Saturday night’s ACC Championship game was, at the very least, literally (figuratively) an inundation of utter and complete coldness. Look, it was pretty damn chilly and precipitation was definitely falling. I know this to be true because everyone on the highway was driving like an idiot.

So instead of traipsing into downtown and sitting in the cold rain, I had the brilliant idea to meet my friends at a warm bar serving $2 drafts of PBR and watching it there. A good choice indeed.

After a large amount of cheap beer was swimming in my belly, a waiter came up to our table and asked if we would mind helping him sing happy birthday to a table of 12 years olds. As a thank you he would buy us a pitcher of beer. Of course that sealed the deal and this girl and her friends had the best birthday party ever or at least the drunkest birthday song ever.

So throw in an eight year old future cougar, aiming for the thigh pad, and several Best Buy stories (buyer beware btw) and we were close to kick off time.

Obviously for the game we had to go to Zink and drink there with our other friends. The Zink bar was not packed but it had a good amount of patrons watching the game. As I was fully engrossed in the Hokies can of whoop-ass that they were opening up on FSU (I could just see Bobby Bowden smirking gleefully at this point) I was interrupted by a blast from the past.

“Are you Jeff?”

“Excuse me?”

“Jeff? Are you Jeff?”

“Yes I am.”

The stocky silver haired man with the build of a bulldog extended his hand and smiled at me. “I’m Rick Flair. Nice to finally meet you.”

Rick Flair!!! No joke. Rick “WWF” Flair.  We’re not talking the World Wildlife Federation people. We are talking Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, the British Bulldogs, and Rick freakin’ Flair. And yes he still wrestles. This meeting will provide much fodder for future columns, you can count on that.

So back to the game at hand. After meeting Ricky, we made our way to the Selwyn Pub. A fine establishment to be sure. Plenty of flat screen TVs, plenty of seating indoors and out and a lot of fireplaces. If I lived in Charlotte I could see this place being the Cheers to my Norm.

Needless to say the night ended as it should have, a Hokie victory, a dozen or so Irish Car Bombs with our new sulking Florida State fan friends and the most amazing side dish ever invented…Funnel Cake French Fries. Three orders of those puppies.

It was the right choice not to go to the stadium. Onto the Orange Bowl.

As always questions and comments are encouraged. Also please check out my column on bleacherreport.com…Just type my name (Jeff Cockey) in their search window and it will take you to my columns. Read and enjoy. Thanks folks.