Randoms

“Randoms” is a Wide Right column housing the whimsical tidbits that consume my day.  Most are sports related, but as with all my columns, a small dose of the arbitrary is thrown in.

• Anyone else find it a bit annoying that the Cardinals and Chargers made the playoffs but the 11-5 Pats are sitting at home? It’s like having a “Best Of” American Idol show and having that “other host” from Season 1 host it while Seacrest sits at home frosting his tips.

• I would like to advise Dan Snyder to offer a first round draft pick to the Bill Belichick next year in return for Bill’s late round second string quarterback selection. First Brady and now Cassel, are you kidding me? Would love to have seen Matt Cassel follow in Brady’s footsteps and win a superbowl after replacing the injured first stringer.

• Is there a better defense out there than the Baltimore Ravens? I got nothing funny here to say. Just a damn good defense. As an aside, where in the hell did this Flacco kid come from? Was he some highly touted kid out of college and I just had my head up my ass? I mean I know he was talked about, but he just became the first rookie to win two playoff games. Flacco! Where did he even go to college? Freakin’ Delaware. They have a football team? The Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens. Really? Nice work Joe.

• Yeah yeah yeah, I know I’m a Hokie and really have no room to talk about mascots. But, ahhh… just shut up.

• Let’s talk sports announcers. There are a lot that I like and a lot that I do not. But come on Shannon Sharpe, nobody can understand a word you are freakin’ saying. Oh, and Chris Collinsworth just needs to go. Go far far away. Dude looks like he would snap like a twig in a stiff wind.

• John Madden, that’s a topic for another time.

• Also, what’s up with Curt Schilling? I mean, I go to Angels stadium during the playoffs to watch my man pitch during our amazing ’07 World Series run and he hasn’t even bothered to comment on my blog page yet? What’s a guy got to do Schill?

• So Keith Bullock of the Tennessee Titans, #53, was shown walking back into the locker room after losing to the Baltimore Ravens. He was pushing over metal barriers as he walked. Now I know you just lost a playoff game, but what are we twelve years old? Lose like a man.

• So this chick I know just read my blog thus far and proceeded to claim that she told me last year that I should start blogging. “Who said last year that you should start a blog? Who said it? Was it you? Wait, no I don’t think so? I think it was, yeah… that’s right, it was ME!” Well if this blog eats shit and people hate it then…hell yeah it was your idea girlie…Chicks….

• So another fantasy football league ends with me crashing and burning in a firey pit of self loathing while the same chick from the above random almost makes our league’s superbowl. I mean she doesn’t even know where Joe Flacco went to college…Chicks…

• Why does nobody tackle the defensive player who is running back the turnover by their ridiculous hair do that sticks out of their helmets to their asses? Speaking of which, ever notice Marion Barbers helmet? The cowboys running back has so much freakin’ hair that it pushes his helmet so far back on his head that his nose practically pokes through his facemask.

• So I recently finished my New Years Resolutions. Am I the only one that finds themselves recycling the same shit they didn’t achieve the previous year? This will be the seventh year running that I’ll learn Spanish and to play the guitar. Odd thing is that I still get excited, like I’m really gonna do it this year. Ahh, the games we play with ourselves.

• So my roommate Brett wanted to get blog credit, so this random is his if it sucks…Why is it that people buy brand new jeans with holes in them?… Then he pointed to my jeans and said “Like yours bitch. You’re gay.”

• Why is Arizona suddenly studly? They don’t belong in the playoffs. They lost to my woeful Redskins this year. Speaking of which what in the hell is the deal with Zorn getting me all excited with a 6-2 start only to end the season crapping out. I’d have rather been a Lions fan this year. At least they had something to strive for. Consistency is the key.

• Here’s what bugs me:

1. people who speak about themselves in the third person, like Chad Johnson.
2. people who change their names to something unbelievably stupid, like Ocho Cinco.
3. people who feel they need to do something unbelievably childish just to get recognition for performing the job for which they are paid millions of dollars, like endzone celebrations a la Chad Ocho Cinco Johnson.

• So I used to love macaroni and cheese as a kid. Actually still do. It’s a favorite. But as an adult I discovered that you can put more than just orange colored powdered cheese on elbow macaroni. Dude, I had it the other day with carmelized onions, bacon, blue cheese and mozzarella cheese. Some people put crumbled pieces of saltines over the top of theirs but I suggest crumbling cheetos. Seriously. Try it and let me know. I would myself but Jeff Cockey can’t risk ruining a perfectly good batch of mac and cheese.

• So I am going to a movie tonight and my date wants to see “Marley and Me” while I am thinking “Gran Torino.” My roommate started giving me shit for even considering “Marley and Me.” But I am pretty sure that a guy whose last two movies consisted of “Momma Mia and Momma Mia – the sing along version, gave up his man card awhile ago…

• Is it me or is Michael Strahan’s front tooth gap getting wider?

• I am so sick of Laker fans talking smack about beating the Celtics this year a week ago. Really? Do you want to open up that can of worms?

• Laker fans, are like USC fans. Your team is not always the best. You lost to Stanford last year. You lost to Oregon State this year. Utah deserves it over you. My buddy at work actually blamed the fact that USC was not in the national championship on the fact that the games are played so late in the day, due to the time difference, that voters couldn’t stay up late enough to watch. Hilarious or sad?

• Pinkberry. Need I say more? Laced with crack. Has to be.

• And finally…please let there be another Carrie Underwood in this group of potential American Idols. She can dig her keys into the side of my pretty little suped up ’91 Honda Accord anytime…

Folks if you can think of any randoms as well please feel free to let me know. As always questions, comments, and insults are more than welcome.