Randoms

“Randoms” is a Wide Right column housing the whimsical tidbits that consume my day.  Most are sports related, but as with all my columns, a small dose of the arbitrary is thrown in.

• An ESPN 2 commentator for the Maryland – Boston College game gave us this gem after a hard foul, “just disconnected Tyrese Rice from his chiclets.” There needs to be more off the cuff commentating like this.

• My friend Traylor and I were messing with A-camera’s tape measure, trying to guess distances. We sucked badly at it. They use this tape measure to drop focus marks. How is that any fun? Why measure when you can improv? Improv focusing pulling would be pretty damn funny. YouTube that blurry shit.

• People at work are reading a lot of books. This is the only industry I know where you can knock out the Hardy Boys series and get paid while you do it. Gotta love mysteries.

• I can’t get Guns N Roses’ “Patience” out of my head. Shouldn’t be complaining, it beats the hell out of that “Careless Whisper” crap that was in there last week.

• Why did the Hokies just suck ass and squander a 15 point lead to #11 Clemson? 15 points! That game defied physics (thanks Paul), it sucked and blew at the same time. That could be the biggest choke ever. No wait, silly me. The biggest choke ever is being up three games to none in the American League Championship Series and then losing the next four games in a row and a shot at the World Series title. Sorry Yankees, I didn’t mean to step on your turf there.

• Experts see a dim future for the US Postal Service. Postal rates are due to rise in May and the USPS wants to cut delivery to 5 days/week. Guess we will have to come up with a new “crazy” phrase soon. “Dude just went ‘Fed-Ex’ on my ass.” I don’t know, you guys come up with some and let me know. I just wonder what all the Cliff Claven’s will do with their Saturdays now.

• Barry Bonds is in the news again. Evidently the Feds raided his trainer’s mother-in-laws home. The trainer’s lawyer offered up this nugget, “even the Mafia spares the women and children.” I love how Barry freakin’ Bonds is being compared to the Godfather. “Don’t ask me about my anabolic injections.” Question…Will they put Bonds and the Rocket in the same cell, and if so, will Roger still be the “pitcher?”

• That new TV show “Lie to Me” is going to suck for guys who have non-trusting girlfriends. “But honey I was with the guys, watching the game.” “Don’t lie to me. I saw your left nostril flare and your right eyelid twitch when you said ‘with the guys.'” The producers who thought up this brilliance should be shot.

• Interesting fact: Nine of the top ten most viewed TV shows ever have been Superbowls. However, the largest television audience ever was watching the final episode of a show that lasted 8 years longer than the war it was about.

• In other Superbowl news, Playboy and Sports Illustrated canceled their annual Superbowl parties. What is the world coming to when naked girls can’t party during a football game?

• What do you do when someone you don’t know (but has a friend in common with you) sends you a FB request? Is there friend request etiquette? Do you accept? Do you deny with a nice message like “Hey, who in the heck are you? Better luck next time.” Someone needs to hammer this out. I don’t want to ignore someone’s friend request and have them go all “what can brown do for you” on me.

• Tek is still unsigned. This is worrisome. Weighing in on this is my good buddy Schill….Anytime Curt….Anytime.

• Boston.com’s Eric Wilbur wrote a sports blog titled “Cold Shoulder.” In this he talked about a family skiing in Vermont and how the Dad said they would have to go inside, have some hot chocolate and warm up after a few runs. To which the boy replied that they came here to ski not drink hot chocolate. The author said “I wanted this to be my son.” Hilarious…What has happened to us? We have become a nation of wusses. This reminds me of my east coast friends whining about the snow and cold weather and how they would give anything to switch with me and my 80 degree LA January. It’s not all roses here either. I actually formed a bead of sweat on my brow today just ordering my no sugar added, skim milk, green tea ice blended latte with whip at Coffee Bean. It was THAT hot out. So toughen up you cupcakes.

• I’m just gonna put it out there. The Bay Cities Godmother with the works and hots is hands down the best sub sandwich anywhere.

• There is a lot of pressure to come up with a good FB status. It’s like your coolness factor is measured upon how many people comment on it. No? Just me?

• There are an inordinate amount of FB mentions in this column. This will not happen again.

• I actually had a conversation today about the specific product I should be using for my hair. What is happening to me? I feel like my grandpa should be yelling at me right now….”Hair product? Boy in my day we just used the grease from our foreheads and that was that.” “Grease from your forehead? Grandpa, what kind of facial cleanser were you using?” AAAHHHHHHH.

• If I get another request for that freakin’ “25 random things” about you crap that someone started sending around the internet I am going to go postal…while I still can that is.

• What? Hell’s Kitchen is back on? Why has nobody told me this? Chef Gordon Ramsey is insane. Absolutely love this shit.

• Why did someone go and screw up the “Transporter” movies? The first one was just plain kick ass, and now, well, I turned the second one off to watch Jackie Chan Adventures – The animated escapades of the action-movie star and his 11 yr. old niece. OK, I really didn’t, but is anyone else even the least bit interested in finding out if his cartoon niece is a bad ass too? Again, just me?

The big game is Sunday and I am still sticking with my original pick… The Superbowl champs will be the Arizburgh Steelnals.

As always questions, comments, and insults can be hurled my way…